Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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