you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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