just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
