Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
