Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
