watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
