'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
