My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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