I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
