3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
