sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
