I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
