He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
