I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
