I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
