Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
