considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
