I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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