By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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