I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
