it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
