Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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