I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
