So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize