I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
