She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am spending my child support on dildos
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It was confusing and full of hummus
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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