The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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