i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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