Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
