When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Randomize
