he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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