I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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