You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
