Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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