...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
