His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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