Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
