God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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