Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
