How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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