I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
