God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
