At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
