You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
