you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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