I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
