READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
