Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
