Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
