How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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