puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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