FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
