Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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